Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
