Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
