i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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