i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize