I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Please don't give away my fajitas
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
