A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What a dumb baby whore.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
