party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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