If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
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