My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Mom said you looked used
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
