My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
