You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
