smell my finger.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
