I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
