My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize