I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
