Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize