Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
