Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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