Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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