So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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