Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
