I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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