3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize