I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
