my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
