I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just cut my nipple shaving
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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