Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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