I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
