Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
