Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Drake has all the answers
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
