Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize