It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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