its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
