What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize