i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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