He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Im part way to drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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