I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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