Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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