Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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