dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He passed out mid-signature
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
