I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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