Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
