JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
