dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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