you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
