Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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