Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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