These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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