I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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