So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
