He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
