Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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