I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
