I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
