Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
