just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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