yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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