I wish life had little blips of pornography
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
