i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
