I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you didnt know i had herpes?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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