Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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