i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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