I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
