i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
