So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I love you. Go after that dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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