your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
