It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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