What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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