and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
