That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize