Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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