Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
