KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
