I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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