Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
