So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
