So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
