First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
