when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I did not marry a roomba.
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