New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm always down for nudity.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
