I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
