He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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