Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
