five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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