he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
