found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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